Coumba N
College Bound Program
I lived fifteen years of my life without a father. I tried to do anything bad to feel loved. My name is Alice and my mom’s name is Nina. I’ve done drugs; I lost my virginity when I was 12. My life is just screwed up. I’m the person that doesn’t care about it anymore. My mom and I have been through domestic violence for our whole life. My father was a drug addict. He use to not even talk to us he cared more about his bottle of beer than his family. One day I couldn’t take it anymore so I told my mom to get a divorce and kick him out of the house. Believe it or not I was only nine years old at that time. After that my mom was a single mother that struggled a lot. She worked two jobs and she was in a nursing school. Which I think it’s a great thing and she might get something out of it.
We live in the projects, which I think it’s the craziest thing ever cause there’s a lot of people. It’s disgusting. People get sick all the times. A lot of diseases start in there. People are always spitting in the hallways. And there are a lot of drug dealers in it. My goal is to get out of it and get a better house.
I used to let boys do anything they want to do with my body just to feel that love that I didn’t’ have. My mom was there for me but I needed that father daughter bond. It used to hurt me so bad that I couldn’t even do work in school. All my relationships were abusive. It was scary but I didn’t know what to do about it. I’m like the most private person ever. One day one of my boyfriends push me out of the car going a 100 miles and hour and he almost busted my head but I told my mom it just a car accident and she actually believed me. At the time, I realized when I would stay with him he would of kill me so I broke up with him. Than one of my other boyfriend used to tell me everything I like to hear. You’re pretty, you’re smart, and you smell good and everything. But the thing about him was that his relationship was all physical. And everything I don’t do what he want he beats me up.
One day I was walking out of the house to go to my friend’s house and my mom called me. I was kind of scared because my 16 birthdays is in two days and I was afraid that she is going to tell me she can’t be able to celebrate like always. But she seems kind of happy which is surprising.
“So Alice I’m sick and tired of you not telling me anything about your life, now I want to know everything.” Nina said.
I was scared at first but hey I got to keep it real with my mom because I know I need help. The first thing she asked me was have I ever done drugs. I said yes and I explained her why.
She started crying but I told her it because someone in school introduces me to drugs. When I was about 11 one of my guys friend’s father was a drug dealer. I use to go there sometimes. One day I went there for a party and my friend’s father wasn’t there so he gave us some drugs, I didn’t now what was the name but I tried it and I like it. After that he told me it was weed. I started doing it at every party we went to. It even came down to the point where I get high before going to school. After wed I tried more drugs but it was good. Now it came down to the point where if I don’t get high I go crazy.
She kept on crying which really hurts because she doesn’t deserve it at all. She is one f the best mother ever. I told her that I lost my virginity too. She asks me how. I told her that was at a party too. I was high and it just happened. But I remember the guys name was Eric and I loved him. But after it happens in the party he uses to treat me like crap in school. He had hit me. Embarrass me in front of my friends; he had just done anything that will make me feel bad. When I went to high school he transferred. So that was a good thing for me.
I told Nina that it was it for right now. She couldn’t even talk I tried to give her a hug because I know she needed it. That was like the first time I actuallually give someone a hug.
“But ma what where you calling me for anyway.” I said.
She said everything you told me was pretty surprising but the only thing I need to know is if I was going to help you by sending you to a therapist, will you go. I said yes even though I don’t want to go. So the other surprise from her was that we were moving out of the projects. She got a nursing job that pays her about 18 dollars an hour.
I was so exited that I couldn’t even say a word. I thank her very much for brightening up my day. She let me know that for the first time I’m going to celebrate my birthday. Her last words to me was,
“If you want to be better in life you have to look at people better than you not worse.
That really touch me but now I go to counseling and I’m much better. I love that I’m sober now and I hope god keep me this way. I just want to let those teenagers out there that stop blaming people for your own mistake and start realizing that it’s never too late to change.
